Archive for the 'Meditation basics' Category

Accident prone

Thursday, January 21st, 2010

Over the years, my different therapists have worried when I go through these accident prone periods. They last for a few days, I smash dishes, step on rusty nails (my tetanus shots are always up to date), drive my car into light poles. That kind of thing. Depending on their therapeutic philosophy, it’s my subconscious telling me - something. Slow down. Concentrate. Pay attention. Be physical. Be here.

So damn, this has been a rough few days. I’ve had a horrible pain in my back (only at work, though. We can assume hunching over the laptop computer, or repressed stress. Or both.) After a truly impressive massage (thank you, Meryl), I’m driving home and on a dark country road almost have the worst accident of my life. I’m shaking the rest of the evening, all massage benefits gone. The accidents continue into the next day. I drop an expensive steak into the dog’s water bowl. My lunchtime drink spills all over the car. Leaving the office, I trip over the mat and sprawl painfully on the cobblestones.

Honestly, I don’t know what my subconscious wants from me. I’m not that stressed, been feeling mostly balanced. There’s some nagging financial things and a few projects that should be cleared up and I haven’t found that new job, but overall I’m content.

Bruised and paranoid, I peruse my astrological transits. Sun trine Mars retrograde? Chiron conjunction sun? Saturn square Saturn? All have their dark and light energy. What does my subconscious want from me?

Need to know. Will try meditating on it.

New Years, Journaling, and Resolutions

Sunday, January 3rd, 2010

I mark the new year (after the champagne and dancing) with a tour through my journal. From the loose-leaf odysseys of my pre-teen and teenage years (journals which I burned during college), I’ve graduated to a more efficient system. A date book for the day-to-day (a line or two to summarize the day, great for tracking astrological transits over the years). Another journal for dreams. And another one for the more lengthy musings.

An example of the date book I use is from One Spirit book club [link].

At the end of the year, I turn to the blank pages in the back and summarize the good things, the accomplishments. So when I go back to prior years, I go straight to those pages. I can’t always remember what year I visited Machu Picchu, or when I danced to David Byrne live, or when I saw Momix perform Baseball, or when I attended the Van Praagh/Weiss seminar. Since 2000, my chronology is strictly quantum.

Then there’s the resolutions. I choose one (one ring to rule them all). One part of my life to concentrate on. Some years are very workable – the year I resolved not to attend any social events that I didn’t want to was extremely successful. Another year I resolved not to give any unasked-for advice – another resolution I was able to keep. I especially like the year I resolved to “pull up my big girl panties and deal with it.” This year I’m taking advantage of technology – I’ve set my cell phone alarm to chime every afternoon, a reminder of my resolution this year – which is too personal to discuss, even in this forum, even with my therapist. And it’s not what you think, it’s beyond that.

Last year’s resolution was a question – what are you doing here, now?

Even if you are not connected, even if you don’t believe – you know that something is happening. And everyone who is here, now, was born to assist. It’s a privilege to be corporeal at this time.

Lies and omissions

Tuesday, October 6th, 2009

People have been lying to me lately at work. The difference is that now I know it.

A lot of us go to Anne. She’s much more dramatic in her writing than she is in her readings, where she tends to be more direct. I like her readings because she doesn’t coddle - You chose this, now it’s time to rise to the occasion.

But sometimes in her writings, she has a moment of clarity, a focus. And for last week:

See the reason why the lies were offered - to help you get where you are now. Now that you see their purpose, you can proceed with the rest of your life, understanding that the lies got you to where you are. Sometimes when people lie, they do so to hide things because they are ashamed or afraid. And other times, they lie to deceive. In this case, the lie was to help you see something that you needed to see. So thank them for their lie or untruth and use it to fuel your path forward. If you look, there is an open door that you are supposed to go through. It’s not where you thought you would go, it’s not how you thought it would happen, but there is a door open.

Just look around, there’s an open door somewhere. Go through that open door. The dream is still there, it’s just not with this person. The dream is still good, it’s just not in the form you thought it was going to be in. Doesn’t make it a bad dream. It just is different than you thought it would be. Follow the dream! See it clearly and go through the open door, in a different direction than you thought you were going to go.

Energy Connections Part 2

Saturday, September 26th, 2009

The first part of this post was intended as a meditation on the tides of human connection. How the energy is never equal on both sides. How people flow in and out of your life for a reason, and sometimes you’re not ready for either. Sometimes you’re standing on a porch, looking into a house that’s empty of furniture, and you have to ask the neighbor when? Sometimes you’re staying at a job that no longer serves your purpose because you’re connected to the people there.

During energy work (at least the practice I was treated by), the healer cleans your aura and your chakras. It’s an amazing feeling, my favorite therapy by far. For one thing, you don’t have to do any work, there’s no crying, no delving into your stories. You don’t even close your eyes. You sit in a chair while the practitioner works around you – and tells you what he finds (I’m using “he” because it was in this case). He finds people and situations cluttering your energy, sometimes he can identify them….and he sweeps them away, then fills the space with your energy. Works for me.

I’m intrigued by the way that people attach themselves to your chakras. Long threads of energy, curling around yours. The way it was explained to me, people attach to each other in an effort to control. An authority figure like a professor or a pastor might attach to your crown chakra to control your beliefs. A child will attach to your root chakra for survival (and should not be detached). People attach to your throat chakra to control what you say, or your second or third chakra to control what you do. For the most part, they don’t know how they’re doing it.

For over a year I went once a month, and he kept clearing the same people from me. At first I felt indignation (they’re doing what? why?), then I was amused (get them off me!). There were two in particular – one unwelcome and one rather welcome – that reappeared over and over. Neither of them knew about my treatment (or believe in any of this), but they would both inevitably phone me after I had a session, like they knew they’d been unplugged.

And yes, the welcomed one had to be cleared too. You have to stay with your own energy. You can make mutual connections, but at the end of the evening you have to detach.

After awhile, I became frustrated. What was I doing wrong that I kept letting them latch on? But apparently it can happen easily – it’s like gardening. You just have to keep weeding.

And of course, I’m probably doing it to others without realizing.

I’m no longer being treated, I’ve learned how to do this myself. During your meditation practice, visualize each of your chakras. Look/feel for these threads coming at you (or from you). Some people I know can identify the person on the other end, some can’t. It doesn’t matter, you don’t have to know who it is or where it goes. Just clear it.

How you clear it depends on your visualization preferences….Watch it crumble into dust. Vacuum it away. Cut it with scissors. Wash it away (my personal favorite). But get it all the way out of your aura – finish the visualization. For example, if you’re using a vacuum, make sure you mentally move it far away when you’re done.

Finish by filling your aura with your own light/energy, however you imagine it.

Energy connections, part 1

Friday, September 25th, 2009

Work was brutal this week. Concern trolls. Vague accusations. Responsibility without authority. Sucked into hoping that someone could learn, be better, only to be betrayed. Maybe the worst week of my working life, but not for anything identifiable, more for a feeling of – this is unacceptable. Is this really a connection I want to have now?

It’s been a bizarre two months. I’ve learned that people that I felt were in my life, didn’t feel the same. Lies and omissions. People who were important to me – well, I wasn’t important to them. It’s – a revelation. Someone actually moved away without saying goodbye. House empty. I’m not so much hurt by all this as dumbfounded. And then feeling naive about my relationships.

I step off the train, I’m walking down your street again,
And past your door, but you don’t live here any more
It’s years since you’ve been here
And now you’ve disappeared somewhere
Like outer space you’ve found some better place

I have a karmic friend, and he often uses this quote to sum up our 30 year long-distance friendship:

If I never saw you again
It wouldn’t make a difference
You didn’t say it wouldn’t matter
You said it wouldn’t make a difference

And did you know I understand the nuance?

Venus Trines at Midnight: Love Poems from Linda Goodman

More on all this later….

Monday, September 14th, 2009

Yesterday was not a success. Well, we learn.

More walking on water

Sunday, September 13th, 2009

Yesterday was a success. I accomplished the worst part of the project by mid-afternoon and had enough energy left over to prepare for today’s event (we’re selling jewelry at a street fair - which was why the other project had to be done yesterday).

So let’s build on it….when I took energy classes (more on that later), the instructor explained how to create the energy for success in a future event. How when he didn’t bother with it, fewer people registered for the class. I’ve never bothered with it before these shows, see if it makes a difference today.

One note on yesterday - I watched The Happening for the first time while I was gathering the info for this project, which offered a weird perspective. At least I’m not being targeted by plants.

The Happening

Walk on Water

Saturday, September 12th, 2009

So today. Huge project that should have been done 6 months ago absolutely needs to be done today. Trying to stay out of emergency mode, stay centered, not let my brain undermine me -What is wrong with you, why didn’t you do it earlier, maybe you can’t do it, what if you do it wrong, maybe you can get an extension, let’s eat some pasta first…

The anxiety has taken over, I’m shaking and I can’t breathe.

This gives me the opportunity to try some of the tactics I’ve been studying.

Stay in the now - don’t beat yourself up for what you didn’t do, or worry about the outcome. One step at a time.

Visualize victory - ground yourself, close your eyes, and imagine the finish. Completely, not just visually. Tastes, sounds, smells, textures. I’m an auditory learner, imagining people congratulating/applauding me goes further than other symbols. For some people a reward works better.

Do it for yourself - Not because it’s being forced upon you. Not because life sucks and this is another example and another bad day. It’s something that’s blocking your energy - a clogged drain, weeds in your garden - and clearing it is going to feel great.

I am doing this…

I’ll check in tonight with my progress. In the meantime, one of my theme songs suits this day -

David Byrne - Walk on Water [you tube link]

Wake up - the house is shaking
Get up - the dead awaken
Let go - you know that you can
Get up - you sleepy babies
Hello - you naked ladies
Walk on - you know that you can

Look into the Eyeball

Monday, September 7th, 2009

Last fall, I lost a significant amount of weight, almost effortlessly. A tweak here and there in my food intake, more cardio, and voila. Unfortunately, right after that, stress descended in the form of my micromanaging boss. Because she has no other management skills, she went into emergency mode, decided to manage our time, moment by moment. (I blame myself, in an moment of what I thought was extreme exaggeration, I told someone she would never be happy until she reviewed our to-do lists every day, put the list into the order that she wanted, and had us submit our accomplishments at the end of the day. Welcome to the 5th dimension.) I am a manager, but I have absolutely no authority or control over my day. My stress-cortisol skyrocketed, along with my weight, back up to where it was. I refer to it (fondly?) as my Casey-weight, named after her.

On top of that, her guilt caused her to constantly bring food into the office and force it on us. Bagels, pancakes, cookies, cakes. And to make myself feel better, I was running next door for a latte every day, I needed the comfort of cream and the motivation of caffeine.

I’ve spent the last year complaining to my therapist – how do I keep her from derailing me, day after day? That’s a discussion for another day, but let’s narrow it down to my health, my weight, or more accurately, my stress.

A month ago I entered into a health contest with a friend, with a significant reward/penalty (deadline December 1). I tweaked my diet, increased my time at the health club – and nothing. Not this time. I’m perplexed, like someone who’s pressing an elevator button with no response.

Maybe this time I have to take the stairs.

I’m going to test out some things that I’ve been reading, about affirmations, law of attraction, and creative visualization. Here we go.

Van Praagh

Sunday, September 6th, 2009

Planning for this year’s Mind Body Spirit expo [link], a lot of discussion about the major attraction – Van Praagh [link]. I’ll be blogging the expo but will probably not attend the Van Praagh event, only because I already attended his joint session with Brian Weiss [link] sponsored by Omega [link].

That session, in NYC, was a great deal of fun. Colleagues of mine (including my cancer surgeon) have attended the Van Praagh/Weiss cruises (out of my price range, I’m afraid). Van Praagh and Weiss don’t take themselves too seriously, there’s a matter-of-factness from them that I’ve experienced in the better healers/mediums that I’ve encountered. No big deal. Nothing mysterious. Just energy and concentration. You could do it yourself if you wanted to (but you don’t have to). Weiss is dry, professorial, Van Praagh is easy-going and does a wicked (but fond) Weiss impersonation.

I’ll blog about the Weiss session later. Van Praagh, besides picking up messages for various audience members, led us through a psychic exercise. Pairing up with a stranger, we give them a personal object and see what they can read from it. The woman seated behind me gave me a nondescript ring (not wedding or engagement), and I felt something like a sisterhood, a sorority, and educational. Turns out she was a Catholic nun who taught in a women’s college.

I handed her my opal earring – one of my last anniversary gifts from my late husband. She got a male presence with an urgent message for me – We’re still connected.

So I’m not attending Van Praagh this year – others deserve their chance. I got the message.

Unfinished Business: What the Dead Can Teach Us About Life

Ghosts Among Us: Uncovering the Truth About the Other Side

Talking to Heaven: A Medium’s Message of Life After Death

Heaven and Earth: Making the Psychic Connection

Reaching to Heaven

Meditations with James Van Praagh

Healing Grief: Reclaiming Life After Any Loss