Archive for September, 2009

Significant past life

Wednesday, September 30th, 2009

Tell me about a past life that will help me understand the present.

You were a young man, injured in an accident, who could no longer walk. You were an object of pity in the village. He’ll never work again, never marry, he might as well be dead.

You disappeared for three years, and the village forgot about you.

But you were determined to walk again. You worked and worked, your own physical therapist. You had no help. You healed yourself. You learned to walk again by sheer force of will. And then you reappeared.

And they called it a miracle. A religious miracle. They sang praises to God who healed you. They followed you, looking for the Spirit.

And you were royally pissed. You did all the work, it was not a miracle. God had nothing to do with it.

And here you are again. You healed yourself.

Saturn & Pluto

Monday, September 28th, 2009

Have to share this quote from Anne Ortelee about the astrological aspects right now -

And trying to be friendly with Saturn and Pluto is like trying to hang out with a mugger and a killer, hoping they’ll never do it again.

Yeah, sounds like my job.

Past lives & karma

Sunday, September 27th, 2009

Not really into genealogy. Never even knew my grandparents, nor did I care. And I resisted digging up past lives, too. I had enough to deal with.

But one came up during an akashic reading - a life that led to a sacred contract that is still alive in this time. And fortunately, we are fulfilling this contract easily and happily. So far.

Not all sacred contracts end well. Over lifetimes they can become dysfunctional, drift from their original intent, and you have to re-frame them. I’ve read about it before, I’m reading more to glean some information that I can pass on to you.

But today, since I’m in connection mode, I thought I’d share one I found out about recently. I’ve learned the hard way to investigate past lives with specific intent - there are too many to choose from. You need to ask a question to be answered.

I was becoming concerned about a couple of my relationships. As an Aquarian, I tend to form odd, unexplainable relationships (for awhile it was with people who were 10-15 years older, lately they’re 15 years younger - I’m at an awkward age). There were a couple relationships that I knew were karmic, and that I was concerned required something from me that I wasn’t fulfilling. This summer I was in definite clear-my-karma mode.

Let me explain that you don’t have to know what’s going on to balance the karma - I was in an impatient, fast-forward mood.

So I asked the question, “Why do I feel so responsible toward this person? Tell me about a past life that would explain this.”

It didn’t make sense. This person is far more equipped than I am to manage in this physical world, slightly older, but I feel like I have to rush in to rescue.

So somewhere in our past - I was the older sister, age 12, and he was 4 years old. We were in a refugee camp, we’d lost our parents in the confusion. I was looking out for him, fighting for our survival, and - we became separated somehow. I lost him, and never found him. That’s all.

The guides were quick to explain that it was not my fault, there was no karmic debt, but there was just a residual feeling on my part, a desperation to make things right that he, in this lifetime, was subconsciously exploiting. But that’s his issue, they explained, not yours. You owe him nothing.

Ok, I get it.

My father, contacting me from the other side, says he is most intrigued by what he is learning about the connections between people. He used to be a basic Protestant, I would love to know what he knows now. Actually, I can, if I choose to. So can you.

Energy Connections Part 2

Saturday, September 26th, 2009

The first part of this post was intended as a meditation on the tides of human connection. How the energy is never equal on both sides. How people flow in and out of your life for a reason, and sometimes you’re not ready for either. Sometimes you’re standing on a porch, looking into a house that’s empty of furniture, and you have to ask the neighbor when? Sometimes you’re staying at a job that no longer serves your purpose because you’re connected to the people there.

During energy work (at least the practice I was treated by), the healer cleans your aura and your chakras. It’s an amazing feeling, my favorite therapy by far. For one thing, you don’t have to do any work, there’s no crying, no delving into your stories. You don’t even close your eyes. You sit in a chair while the practitioner works around you – and tells you what he finds (I’m using “he” because it was in this case). He finds people and situations cluttering your energy, sometimes he can identify them….and he sweeps them away, then fills the space with your energy. Works for me.

I’m intrigued by the way that people attach themselves to your chakras. Long threads of energy, curling around yours. The way it was explained to me, people attach to each other in an effort to control. An authority figure like a professor or a pastor might attach to your crown chakra to control your beliefs. A child will attach to your root chakra for survival (and should not be detached). People attach to your throat chakra to control what you say, or your second or third chakra to control what you do. For the most part, they don’t know how they’re doing it.

For over a year I went once a month, and he kept clearing the same people from me. At first I felt indignation (they’re doing what? why?), then I was amused (get them off me!). There were two in particular – one unwelcome and one rather welcome – that reappeared over and over. Neither of them knew about my treatment (or believe in any of this), but they would both inevitably phone me after I had a session, like they knew they’d been unplugged.

And yes, the welcomed one had to be cleared too. You have to stay with your own energy. You can make mutual connections, but at the end of the evening you have to detach.

After awhile, I became frustrated. What was I doing wrong that I kept letting them latch on? But apparently it can happen easily – it’s like gardening. You just have to keep weeding.

And of course, I’m probably doing it to others without realizing.

I’m no longer being treated, I’ve learned how to do this myself. During your meditation practice, visualize each of your chakras. Look/feel for these threads coming at you (or from you). Some people I know can identify the person on the other end, some can’t. It doesn’t matter, you don’t have to know who it is or where it goes. Just clear it.

How you clear it depends on your visualization preferences….Watch it crumble into dust. Vacuum it away. Cut it with scissors. Wash it away (my personal favorite). But get it all the way out of your aura – finish the visualization. For example, if you’re using a vacuum, make sure you mentally move it far away when you’re done.

Finish by filling your aura with your own light/energy, however you imagine it.

Energy connections, part 1

Friday, September 25th, 2009

Work was brutal this week. Concern trolls. Vague accusations. Responsibility without authority. Sucked into hoping that someone could learn, be better, only to be betrayed. Maybe the worst week of my working life, but not for anything identifiable, more for a feeling of – this is unacceptable. Is this really a connection I want to have now?

It’s been a bizarre two months. I’ve learned that people that I felt were in my life, didn’t feel the same. Lies and omissions. People who were important to me – well, I wasn’t important to them. It’s – a revelation. Someone actually moved away without saying goodbye. House empty. I’m not so much hurt by all this as dumbfounded. And then feeling naive about my relationships.

I step off the train, I’m walking down your street again,
And past your door, but you don’t live here any more
It’s years since you’ve been here
And now you’ve disappeared somewhere
Like outer space you’ve found some better place

I have a karmic friend, and he often uses this quote to sum up our 30 year long-distance friendship:

If I never saw you again
It wouldn’t make a difference
You didn’t say it wouldn’t matter
You said it wouldn’t make a difference

And did you know I understand the nuance?

Venus Trines at Midnight: Love Poems from Linda Goodman

More on all this later….

The Red Book

Saturday, September 19th, 2009

Article in NY Times about the upcoming publication of Carl Jung’s personal Liber Novus:

The Holy Grail of the Unconscious

Interesting to me as I went through therapy that concentrated on dream analysis (although not Jungian, more Kaballah), I carried my battered notebook with me to NYC once a month - pages and pages of evolving stories. Also working on a memoir that sometimes scares me.

This article quotes Jung’s advice to a woman about her own dream book:

“I should advise you to put it all down as beautifully as you can — in some beautifully bound book,” Jung instructed. “It will seem as if you were making the visions banal — but then you need to do that — then you are freed from the power of them. . . . Then when these things are in some precious book you can go to the book & turn over the pages & for you it will be your church — your cathedral — the silent places of your spirit where you will find renewal. If anyone tells you that it is morbid or neurotic and you listen to them — then you will lose your soul — for in that book is your soul.”


Wednesday, September 16th, 2009

I remember when Last of the Mohicans came out. Or rather, when I rented it on video. Two feet of snow that weekend prevented me from returning the video, or doing anything else but shoveling and watching it over and over with the same primal impulse. It rates as one of the best romantic scenes ever - because they say nothing. No words. As a writer, I admire that.

For awhile, I amused myself at cocktail parties by asking women how they felt about the movie. Many of them had discussed it in depth with their therapists. The personification of the perfect man. Action/spirituality.

You are the one that you’ve been waiting for…

I’d like to recommend a substitute for the 21st century. The man who has emerged from hell, action/spirituality for our era. I’m in mourning for the series, but it was perfect while it lasted - which is all that we get.

Life: Season One

Life: Season Two

The Last of the Mohicans (Director’s Expanded Edition)

Monday, September 14th, 2009

Yesterday was not a success. Well, we learn.

More walking on water

Sunday, September 13th, 2009

Yesterday was a success. I accomplished the worst part of the project by mid-afternoon and had enough energy left over to prepare for today’s event (we’re selling jewelry at a street fair - which was why the other project had to be done yesterday).

So let’s build on it….when I took energy classes (more on that later), the instructor explained how to create the energy for success in a future event. How when he didn’t bother with it, fewer people registered for the class. I’ve never bothered with it before these shows, see if it makes a difference today.

One note on yesterday - I watched The Happening for the first time while I was gathering the info for this project, which offered a weird perspective. At least I’m not being targeted by plants.

The Happening

Walk on Water

Saturday, September 12th, 2009

So today. Huge project that should have been done 6 months ago absolutely needs to be done today. Trying to stay out of emergency mode, stay centered, not let my brain undermine me -What is wrong with you, why didn’t you do it earlier, maybe you can’t do it, what if you do it wrong, maybe you can get an extension, let’s eat some pasta first…

The anxiety has taken over, I’m shaking and I can’t breathe.

This gives me the opportunity to try some of the tactics I’ve been studying.

Stay in the now - don’t beat yourself up for what you didn’t do, or worry about the outcome. One step at a time.

Visualize victory - ground yourself, close your eyes, and imagine the finish. Completely, not just visually. Tastes, sounds, smells, textures. I’m an auditory learner, imagining people congratulating/applauding me goes further than other symbols. For some people a reward works better.

Do it for yourself - Not because it’s being forced upon you. Not because life sucks and this is another example and another bad day. It’s something that’s blocking your energy - a clogged drain, weeds in your garden - and clearing it is going to feel great.

I am doing this…

I’ll check in tonight with my progress. In the meantime, one of my theme songs suits this day -

David Byrne - Walk on Water [you tube link]

Wake up - the house is shaking
Get up - the dead awaken
Let go - you know that you can
Get up - you sleepy babies
Hello - you naked ladies
Walk on - you know that you can

Look into the Eyeball