December 25, 2009

Happy Christmas.

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November 22, 2009

Jazz update

Apologies for the absence - 2 weeks of visiting relatives, and then the first vacation in years.

First a report on Jazz. His kidney numbers were slightly improved. However, liver enzymes were elevated. The vet who did the exam (not his vet/acupuncturist) thought the enzymes might be the result of the home cooked diet (she’s not a fan).

Jazz had another treatment, which he settled into better than other times, and the acupuncturist has changed his herbs to address the liver problem - he’s now on Glenhia and Rehmannia (Yi Guan Jian). We’ll see how he’s doing in a month.

One of the visiting relatives is the owner of a very successful health food store, she was quite impressed by Jazz’s diet and bemused to see a dog enjoying broccoli and spinach.

A couple people have commented on the expense of treating Jazz through acupuncture, but I’m balancing quarterly acupuncture against the aggressive weekly treatment the vets recommending 1.5 years ago.

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October 17, 2009

Unstable leaders

“Humans are the only animals who will follow unstable pack leaders.” - Cesar Millan

“There is a kind of heroism for which there are no medals because it is unmentionable. It is that of the subordinate stoically following a leader whom he knows is taking him to disaster.”
- Huntford

What do you owe the person who is paying your salary? Your best work? The quantity of work that you feel they are paying for? The quality of work you feel that they deserve?

My first formal performance review in years was more abstract than concrete. Crying the economy, there was truly no chance of any raise. With money off the table, and no chance of any promotion in a horizontally-organized small business, the review was an exercise in negotiating expectations on both sides.

My review was quite good - overall better than I expected, because management freely admits that they are never satisfied. But the one thing they want me to do is to play to the owner, to manage his view of me. I’m ruminating on that today. If I’m doing the work but the owner doesn’t think so, is there a sound? If I play to him but don’t respect him, what does that mean? We’ve got a standoff here - both of us waiting to the other to prove their worth.

Since I have to leave anyway . . . . my coach says management is “abusive and narcissistic;” my guides say I was there to learn about how people abuse their power - and that I’ve learned the lesson and can get out of there at any time. (For a long time I worked for someone who was truly abusive, a screaming, bipolar genius whom I at least respected and learned from.)

Since I have to leave anyway, do I put the effort in so they’ll be more sorry to see me leave? Where do I put my energy?

The Last Place on Earth (Modern Library Exploration)

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October 12, 2009

Energy gifts

Wearing your aspirations. Secretly.

Bracelet, inscribed inside: “And she lived happily ever after…”

I’ve given this as a wedding gift for the bride (not that I’m into weddings, I truly hate them, always have. But fairy tales are fun.)

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October 11, 2009

Real pawprints in the sand

Blind dog at the shore. What does he smell, with the wind and waves in his nose?

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October 10, 2009

Energy gifts

First Photograph of Lightning

George Eastman House link

A combination of history, technology, and art.

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October 9, 2009

12th house moon

Depending on whom you read, the signs for today were revealing or apocalyptic (or both). I woke up rather dreading the day, because on top of all the portents, it was a Gemini moon, my own personal monthly Friday the 13th (which in itself is a good day for me, being my birthday). But I had to laugh when I saw the news about the Nobel Peace prize. It’s an excellent reminder that it’s all just energy - and one person’s apocalypse nowish is someone else’s elysian field. The mind is its own place.

I was worried about seeing the vet this evening. Jazz has been doing very well on his home cooked diet, his energy and appetite are great, he has slimmed down. But he’s begun to have urinary accidents in the house. Not during the day while I’m gone, but in the evening when he’s excited about dinner, or in the morning when I can’t get him outside soon enough. I was concerned that he’d gotten worse, quickly, or that we had a new health problem to deal with. His general physical was fine, and we’ll have blood and urinalysis results in a few days.

Unfortunately, they couldn’t get all the tests because he fought them off. The technician was laughing, she said three of them couldn’t hold Jazz down and he was very feisty for a dog his age. It’s a good sign. I guess we all reach an age where we’ve had enough and just want to be left alone.

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October 7, 2009

Puppy love

NY Times has some articles about the health benefits of dog ownership.

When I investigated the energy that brought Jazz into my life (by accessing his akashic records), I was told that I’d never completely opened my heart to anyone since I was three years old, and Jazz was a safe haven for me to learn how. Not sure about the facts on my own heart - but I do get the safe haven that a dog offers. It’s communing wordlessly with another soul, one that’s focused on the here and now.

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So the energy of the lies at work prompted me to apply to another job yesterday.

Didn’t do anything special to prepare, there was no time. What I did learn is that the two years weren’t completely wasted, that my resume was solid and I was more confident.

There’s a balancing act here - acting as if I already have a new job but not being attached to this particular one.

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October 6, 2009

Lies and omissions

People have been lying to me lately at work. The difference is that now I know it.

A lot of us go to Anne. She’s much more dramatic in her writing than she is in her readings, where she tends to be more direct. I like her readings because she doesn’t coddle - You chose this, now it’s time to rise to the occasion.

But sometimes in her writings, she has a moment of clarity, a focus. And for last week:

See the reason why the lies were offered - to help you get where you are now. Now that you see their purpose, you can proceed with the rest of your life, understanding that the lies got you to where you are. Sometimes when people lie, they do so to hide things because they are ashamed or afraid. And other times, they lie to deceive. In this case, the lie was to help you see something that you needed to see. So thank them for their lie or untruth and use it to fuel your path forward. If you look, there is an open door that you are supposed to go through. It’s not where you thought you would go, it’s not how you thought it would happen, but there is a door open.

Just look around, there’s an open door somewhere. Go through that open door. The dream is still there, it’s just not with this person. The dream is still good, it’s just not in the form you thought it was going to be in. Doesn’t make it a bad dream. It just is different than you thought it would be. Follow the dream! See it clearly and go through the open door, in a different direction than you thought you were going to go.

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